Camp Poreas, Don't Ask
by Poppyseed Pomphrey
Summary: DO NOT READ THIS UNLESS YOU WISH TO GO INSANE! DO NOT READ THE SUMMARY, T FOR SAFETY Once upon a... you don't really about that, do you?At Camp Poreas we can't guarantee your sanity or oppsable thumbs. Here, we don't call it Camp Poreas, we call it home-or-else-you-won't-be-able-to-call-anything-else-home, home. (If a cop asks, Camp Poreas shut down fifty years ago.)
1. Characters1 INSANITY!

**This is the one disclaimer to rule them all, I own nothing but the plot and OC's!**

We have:  
Adelaide: Our out-of-place, pink haired protagonist.  
Charles Wayne: Batman's secret twin.  
Ingrid Lee: Wizard Ninja of Mars.  
James Thomas or JT: The future seeing dragon, who can't talk, write, or draw.  
Abu: The small purple monkey, who is the only one with opposable thumbs.  
Chocolate Milk: The cow that only Adelaide can understand.  
Twinkle: The secret, 5 inch tall, fairy cop with a weird male voice.  
Carl: He just... exists.  
Jimminy Cricket: That weird creepy, stalker girl's conscience.  
Grandma Nunu: the grandma who only speaks in none-sense.  
Raven: Our main protagonists best friend, who after stepping on a toadstool, only speaks backwards.  
Tom riddle: Adelaide's diary.  
Rumbleroar: Headmaster of pigfarts and Ingrid's guardian.  
Jackson: The magical mirror that only lies. (He has a crush on Twinkle. Shhh.)  
Eve: The other best friend of Adelaide, she's sweet and kind... just don't get her angry...  
Dare Oriana: The rich brat, who quickly makes an enemy of Adelaide. For some reason, she can control plants.  
Alucard: The vampire who sparkles and hates wearing anything but capes.  
Fredrick Oriana: Dare's twin brother and can control fire. (He has a secret crush on Adelaide. Don't let Dare know!)  
First to go: The nameless person.  
Kazuma: A jerk, who is kindhearted. (...Totally not the villain or anything.)  
Barbra Barbra or mother Barbra: The owner and runner of Camp Poreas.  
Tim and Lauren Sniper: Adelaide's crazy, drunk parents.  
and Ron... well... he is the pirate chef.

With this crazy cast of characters, what could go wrong?


	2. The Drive

**Hi Guys! I am trying to write but school and plays are taking over. I am the Grinch and Santa in two different plays so tons of lines! Anyways, the following is a collaboration with MisMysterious(JordanKurpita) Who you can find on Wattpad!**

**Chapter 1**: The Drive

Tim Sniper engaged in a drunk stupor, was driving the old broken jalopy down the gravel road and was reaching for the vodka. Adelaide Sniper on the other hand, was clinging to the stolen backseat and giving prayers to a God she didn't believe in. "Dad! You can't cut through like that!" she called, waving her hands frantically.  
"Huh? Whasat?" Lauren Sniper mumbled, waking up from her drunk trance. "Swaaa-hee-teaaa, whereee duhhhh vodkkkaaaa."she slurred, hands missing the vodka jar every time she reached out.  
Suddenly the car jarred to a stop. Adelaide opened her closed eye and looked around. What had he stopped for?  
"Dad... why'd you stop?" she said, curling her pink hair around her finger.  
"Errr... kangaroo... No time...Buy gold..." he mumbled, trying to open his eyes. Then her father started to snarl and she rolled her eyes. "THE COPS ARE COMING." she called into his ear.  
Immediately, he jarred up and looked around. _"I DIDN'T STEAL NO VODKA, I SWEAR!" _he cried out. Then, he sighed and started the old jalopy up again, starting another hour of pure terror.

After 2 hours of crashing, cliff jumping, tree cutting and pee breaks, the Sniper family jalopy rolled onto the drive-way of the lot, barely in one piece.  
Adelaide ran out and kissed the muddy ground. "Oh, divine one, praise thee!" she called out. "Ground... I missed you."  
She looked around, trying to find her friends car. She found it no time, because...well it was pretty hard to miss.  
Out of all the average cars and vans, was a clean, white 1967 Chevy Impala. No dents or dirt could be seen on that hot piece of work.  
The Crowley's were a average, rich family, who were right under the word average in the dictionary. (Apparently, Mr. Crowley knows a guy at Oxford.)  
What you could point out about them, was their matching outfits. Today they were dressed in the utmost elegance, showing off a collection of black and white stripes and spots.  
Adelaide emptied her old jalopy and took out the suitcases. She's tried to sniff out all of the hidden alcohol, but could only find 15 bottles. They had hidden the other 25 very well.  
She sighed and dragged the big leather suitcases down the hill, towards a black hooded sweat shirt guy teenager, with his skull headphones plugged in.  
"Hey!" she called out, waving frantically with her free hand. No response was given. "HEY!" she called out, but only louder. She was getting ticked off by the very second.  
"GIVE ME YOUR ATTENTION, YOU FREAKIN' IDIOT!" she yelled into the ear she took to headphone out. "OW!" Raven cried out. "What the he-double hockey stick was that for?!" he said rubbing his ear.  
Adelaide sighed in annoyance and rolled her eyes, a casual way of looking around without moving her head. She could see a elder woman with rainbow coloured hair, making her way up the hill. A Feet, that made you think this woman was wonder-woman, for reaching the top.  
"Well hello-hello!" she said greeting the two odd-looking families and shaking Bob Crowley's hand harder then needed. "I'm Barbra Barbra! But you can just call me Mother Barbra! Welcome to Camp Poreas!"  
"A pleasure to meet you!" Ruby Crowley said with a nod.  
Mrs. Sniper just goggled her eyes and scratched her head, looking like a purple-haired zombie. "One question." she said straightening up. "Do you have beer?" Mrs. Sniper said, putting on her non-drunk persona.  
"Oh-no! I believe alcohol isn't permitted on the premises!" she said with an annoying smile. Mrs. Sniper just glared at her, standing there in a bout of depression.  
"C'mon sweetie, were going." she said, grabbing Adelaide's wrist. "BUT MA-AAA!" Adelaide moaned, trying to drag her mother down.  
"I'll help!" Raven exclaimed, holding onto Adelaide. "COME ON TIM!" Mrs. Sniper called out. Tim, who was dazed by all the moment, snapped out of it and grabbed his wife's hand. It was a tug of war, between two teenagers and two drunken adults, what could go wrong?

"SQUASH!"

Raven looked to see what he had stepped in, and realized it was just a toadstool. "Ooh... shouldn't have done that, dearie." Mother Barbra said, gasping.

"?ton yhw" he said. The moment the word's left his lips, he gasped and put his hand on his mouth. "R-Raven... did you just talk..." Adelaide stammered.  
".did I sey, seY ... ?sdrawkcaB" he said, astounded. Everybody looked at him, amazed and puzzled. Adelaide stood there.

What did she just get herself into?


	3. Introducing Indigo

**HI!**

Chapter 2: Introducing Ingrid.

_*What Raven is saying is translated on the bottom of the last page._

Adelaide made her way to the front lodge, dragging her depressed parents behind her. "GAH! You're heavy as heck!" she grumbled, making her way up the front steps.  
"I'm not fat!" Mrs. Sniper cried. "I'm not fat… am I?" turning to look at her husband, tears raining down her face. "No you're not fat!" Mr. Sniper replied, losing hold of Adelaide's grasp and holding his wife she the shoulders. "WAHH!" Mrs. Sniper then proceeded to hug him and then they both cried.  
Adelaide rolled her eyes and left her parents crying on the steps, walking up the big empty staircase, into the big old house.  
The door creaked open by itself and Adelaide cautiously stepped inside. She could hear whisper and the door slammed shut behind her. Adelaide got into a karate pose, unsure of what was happening.  
She could feel something was near, but when she looked around, she was the only entity her eyes could see. _"Colloportus!_" she heard someone whisper and lock turned. "Hello?!" Adelaide called out, stepping towards the door.  
_"Immobulis!" _the whispers said, making Adelaide frozen in place. Literally, for she could not move, even if she tried. "Help me!" Adelaide cried, helpless and annoyed "_Petrificus Totalus!" _the whisper came, and down Adelaide went, crashing to the floor, face-first in a full body bind.

"So, how are you getting-" Mother Barbra cut herself short as she walked in the room and saw the state Adelaide was in. "Oh my!" she exclaimed, gasping.  
"Indigo Ingrid Lee! Get out of your hiding spot and undo your spell, this instant!" Mother Barbra said, angrily. "FINNNNNEEE." Indigo groaned, descending from the ceiling.

_Wait. What. _Adelaide thought. _Did she say... spell? _

Indigo uttered some words under her breathe and pointed her wand at the body-bind, pink haired Adelaide, on the floor and she immediately could move again.  
Mother Barbra held out her hand and Adelaide graciously took it, pulling herself back to her peach flip-flopped, feet. "What the heck?" Adelaide said, her brain trying to understand what just happened.  
"Ingrid Lee, Wizard Ninja of Mars, at your service!" _Ingrid _said, doing a little bow. This girl was somewhat of average height, with long blue hair tied up with a bow and a dark navy shirt, that matched her dark navy blue leggings. The odd thing about her was the head plate around her neck; it had blue cloth and a circle, with two wavy lines inside, indented on the metal. . "I'm sorry, did you say Wizard Ninja? Like as in a wizard," Adelaide said waving her finger around like a wand "and ninja, as in a black Japanese person?"  
"Yes, I do magic, you muggle!" Ingrid said, anger drenching her tone.  
"Personal space..." Adelaide mumbled as she stepped away from Ingrid, leaning in her personal bubble.  
"Ingrid, please respect others beliefs. How would you like it, if someone told you there wasn't any PigFarts?" Mother Barbra said, nodding her head. The conversation was then interrupted by a pounding at the door.  
"_Alohomora!_" Ingrid chanted, pointing her wand at the doorknob. No sooner was the spell cast, than Raven came bursting through the door.  
"*!edialedA, era uoy erehT" A tongue-tied, Raven said, hunching over, out of breathe. "**!nwod meht peek t'ndluoc I!yzarc gniog era stnerap ruoY" .  
Adelaide's eyes widened, understanding every last word uttered from his mouth. She quickly ran past Raven and slid down the staircase railing with great urgency Mr. and Mrs. Sniper were dancing around in a drunken frenzy, chanting weird words around a tied up monkey. "UHH WAHH TAHH TAHH!" they chanted, throwing streamers everywhere.

Adelaide rubbed her eyes to make sure she wasn't seeing things and that vodka accidently hadn't gotten it's way into her morning orange juice. Nope, there really was a monkey in a little fez and purple jacket, sitting tied up in chair.  
Adelaide then slowly sat down, trying to convince herself this wasn't happening. _Alright!_ She thought. _You can do this!  
_ Adelaide stood up, and grabbed the microphone out of her luggage. There was a big ear-blasting, screech as it turned on, making all the nearby campers cover their ears and cry out in pain.  
"Sorry!" she called out, trying to smile at the annoyed by-standers. _Sheesh!_ Adelaide thought. _You try to stop an ancient ritual used by Mesopotamians, and what do you get...? _She looked down at her parents, dressed in feathers and mud, dancing around like maniacs. ..._The worst first impression ever. _She thought.  
"ANAWA HUT HUT HEY GRAH HA!" she said into the speakerphone. Immediately, her parents stopped and looked at her like a deer in the headlights. "NAW NAW SAT JA RA!" Mr and Mrs. Sniper called out, passing the vodka between them.  
Adelaide narrowed her eyes and spoke into the microphone again. "GIGI MUY YA TUT." she said, crossing her arms. Mr and Mrs. Sniper exchanged looks and pouted like a sad puppy. They then proceeded to rid themselves of feathers and mud, throw away the streamers and untie the monkey.  
The monkey jumped up and sprang towards Mr. and Mrs. Crowley, who had just arrived at the scene. "Oh dear!" Mrs. Crowley said, waving her arms franticly. "Get it off! Get it off!" the monkey was on her head, messing up a shiny bun that was probably done by a team of expensive hair-stylists.  
The monkey then proceeded to lick her thumbs, and steal her opposable - thumb, sticking it on his. Mrs. Crowley screamed and ran around in her highheels, faster then you think was possible.  
The monkey then jumped off and stick out his tongue at her. This whole time, Adelaide was observing the chaos from between her parents and the vodka she threw out. One thing was for certain;  
This camp wasn't normal.

_Raven Translations:_

_*There you are Adelaide!_

_**Your parents are going crazy! I couldn't keep them down! _


	4. Batman's my Boyfriend

**Here's the next chapter of Insanity!**

I kicked the pebbles on the pathway and continued to walk with Indigo in the awkward silence.

"So…" Indigo said, looking up at me. "So…" I said, avoiding her face. God, I need to do something or this was going to sink farther than it needed.

Just when I was deciding to make a run for it, a black batmobile pulled up near the lodge and out stepped my boyfriend.

"Babe!" I cried out, running towards him and hugging him. "I'm glad you could make it!" I said with a smile, separating from him. "I do what I can." he said, nodding his head.

"Babe," I said, pulling the awe-struck Indigo towards him, "this is Indigo, a friend of mine." Indigo just stared up at him, eyes wide and mouth open, just calling for flies to come in. "Hi there!" He said, extending his hand. "Indigo? Earth to Indigo?" I said waving my hands frantically in front of her face. "Oh, uh hi!" she said, snapping out of it and taking his hand.  
He shaked it wildly, Indigo probably dislocating her arm in the process. "Babe," I said, putting my hand on his shoulder "I think you should stop, she's had enough."

"Oh!" he said as he stopped shaking her hand. "I'm Charles Wayne, totally not the second batman." he finished saying as Indigo popped her arm back into place.

With ominous batman music played in the background, Raven walked over.

He seemed somewhat annoyed, and I was totally oblivious to it.

"Ooh, somebody has a crush." Indigo smiled as she nudged Raven in the shoulder playfully. „¡ǝpıɐןǝpɐ uo ɥsnɹɔ ɐ ǝʌɐɥ ʇou op ı„ Raven said, blushing. "You soooo do! Just look! Your text is even upside down!" Indigo said, laughing. „¡dn ʇnɥs ʇsnɾ„ He replied, putting his hood up.

"Anyways, I just got back from defeating Poision Ivy- I mean a fish called _Poisson_ where it was _Icy_." Charles said quickly. "But Babe, it's the middle of summer!" I said, confused. "Yeah, it was indoor! Also I defeated the _joker_ \- I mean, played _poker_ and came straight away." He said, sighing and looking guilty. Indigo mouthed _Nice save_.

Suddenly, an ear-shattering whistle pierced through the air. "Your not allowed to have this vehicle down here!" A manly voice called out.

We looked around and saw nobody in sight. I shrugged. "So babe-" "Don't ignore me!" the voice said again. Suddenly, I felt something bite my nose sharply.

"OMG WHAT DUH FUDGE?!" I screamed anxiously, grabbing onto my nose, which was throbbing from the sharp bite. "That is not a way to address a member of the police force." Said the deep manly voice. I suddenly found out the voice's owner and I looked in front of me: there was a tiny five inch fairy in a police uniform made of leaves and flowers, she had a sharp pig-like nose, angry eyes, shiny red lips and glossy blond hair tucked into a bun.

Like my aunt, but you know, five inches.

"I am officer Twinkle, a offical member of the law." the fairy said, sticking her pointy little nose up in the air. "How does that even work?" Indigo said, puzzled. "Indigo, to question how this world works, is to simply give up your mind to the insanity." Twinkle answered in her monotone voice.

"OMG OMG OMG HI ADELAIDE!"

Speak of insanity...

A cheerful girl with bright blonde hair with pigtails and a short-sleeved pink shirt with jeans came runing down the hill of the camp. She was waving her hands wildly, with two big-tough criminal motorcycle drivers following her, carrying bright pink luggage.

"OMG I LIKE MISSEDD YOU SOOOO MUCH. XD" She exclaimed, hugging me so hard, I swear I was knocking on death's door. Cause of death? Hug by a pinkie-pie crazed teenage girl.

This was Eve.N. Cwahuter, my other best friend. She had been raised by criminals in South Carolina Jail and had one of the biggest unsuspecting crime background in history. For fun, she sewed laced dresses for dolls with inmates, gave singing lessons for people who shoveled rocks all day and taught people awaiting execution how to cook their last meal.

The policeman on guard there didn't know how she got there, for it was a all men jail and she was an innocent pure-hearted 5 year old girl that just appeared one day, being taught how to read by the best body-builder in the world.

Being raised and taught by a bunch of criminals, I met her one day when I was ten and trying to bust my parents out of jail. "Why hello there!" she had greeted me with that annoying, yet cute as heck, smile of hers. 5 years later, we were still friends, sending letters to and from jail, sky ping each other and meeting her whenever she was runing away from the cops on the back of "big daddy" .

"Just leave them there, please?" Eve said to the most tattooed man I've seen. He growled and dropped the luggage on the ground. "Sup!'" my boyfriend said, reaching this hand out to shake with the big body builder criminal. Instead, what he got, was being thrown around by the legs.

"Oh no no! You need to learn that little boys aren't toys." Eve said in the cheerful tone she always had. The man stopped. "But, he was trying to hurt me." He whimpered. "No buts! What have I taught you,Henry-chan?" She replied in a very concerned voice. Yep, my friend the Otaku.

"_That every act that's physical, isn't always life threatening-l_." He said in a moan. "That's right, now put the poor man down." She said, smiling with the cutest face ever. The tattooed man put my boyfriend down and had a very mopey face.

"I hope they won't be staying… only Lady Tsunade is that strong." Indigo said, sadly.

Everyone hoped they wouldn't.

Half of the people:It's not about winning, it's about fun!

Everyone Else:What's that?

Half of the people:Fun is when you...fun is...it' like...it's kinda...sorta like a...

What is fun?

Half of the people:HERE...Let me spell it for you!

Half of the people:F is for Friends who do stuff together.

U is for You and me.

N is for Anywhere and anytime at all.

Every one: Down in the crazy Camp Poreas.

No umm… like this:

F is for Fire that burns down the whole town.

U is for URANIUM...BOMBS!

N is for No survivors when you're-

Half of the people:Peoples! Those things aren't what fun is all about!

Now, do it like this,

F is for Friends who do stuff to-

Never! That's completely idiotic!

Half of the people:Here, Let me help you...

F is for friends who do stuff together.

U is for You and me, TRY IT!

N is for Anywhere and anytime at all.

Down in the crazy Camp Poreas.

Wait...I don't understand ...I feel all tingly inside...

Should we stop?

Half of the people:No! That's how you're supposed to feel

Well I like it! Lets do it again!

Half of the people:Okay!

Everyone:F is for Frolic through all the flowers.

U is for Ukelele.

N is for Nose picking, chewing gum, and sand licking.

Here with my best buddy.

Down in the crazy Camp Poreas.


End file.
